PartySafe@Cal gave out 1200 fortune cookies to parents at Move-In weekend, August 20-21, 2007. The fortunes all read: "The first 8 weeks are critical. Stay connected, be curious and listen, listen, listen." Parents can play a role in decreasing the odds of harm associated with drinking and parties in the campus area. Such harm includes their own and other students getting hurt or injured, having property damaged, doing something they later regret, passing out, or having their sleep or study disrupted.

Many first year students expect to and do experiment with heavy drinking during the first days and weeks of college. Their risks for personal harm are increased at this time by the unfamiliarity with that kind of drinking and their new social and physical surroundings. The level and pattern of drinking they establish during the first eight weeks is likely their pattern for the next two years.

Cal is far from extreme in terms of college drinking problems. In fact, student drinking at Cal is getting more moderate. However, campus and city organizations are using new, evidence-based strategies to address the party and drinking issues that do exist; not treating them like they are "unchangeable" or "just a rite of passage". For example, both the city and campus police departments have received special grants to step up enforcement of alcohol laws and penalties.

Your role? Stay in regular contact. Add parties and drinking to your topics of conversation. Ask good questions. Listen actively as your student makes and learns from their choices. You'll be forging a new, close relationship - a lifelong connection - for this and all the transitions to come.

Good Questions:

• I was wondering about parties and drinking - can I ask you a couple questions about what you are seeing and noticing?
• What are you noticing about parties and drinking where you live?
• What choices are you faced with and considering?
• What's working or not working for you?

Active Listening:

• Be empathic - hear how it is to be in their shoes.
• Respect their thinking about your questions and whatever direction they take them.
• Don't interrupt, give advice, or judge.
• Understand and believe that they can and are figuring out the pieces of their new life at Cal.
• Giving them a chance to be listened to is helpful.
• Make sure you are in a good position to actively listen before you engage. You may need to get some good listening from elsewhere before you can actively listen well to your child.